


Lost Time, Pretty Lies

by deadgirltryingtosurvive



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, One-Sided Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadgirltryingtosurvive/pseuds/deadgirltryingtosurvive
Summary: Levi Ackerman has been in love with Eren Jaeger for who knows how long. But Eren is with Mikasa and Levi would never want to force Eren into a relationship.- Levi's pov -(Takes place after first season of the Anime, I'm not up-to-date on the manga sadly.)





	1. Prologue: Into The Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this is my first time ever writing fanfic so it'll probably be really crappy.  
> I would like to outright state that I am a very lazy and unmotivated person with a LOT of anxiety, so if you like this than please please PLEASE like it and share it and comment because that always motivates me to write more.  
> Also, please forgive my use of calling Eren Jaeger instead of Yeager. It's just how I spell it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's love for Eren is too much to stand when he is already with Mikasa. Unable to take it anymore, Levi makes a stupid decision. A decision that will change everything.

Before I realize what I'm doing I have his collar in my fist. I pull his face close to mine.

“Don't screw this up Jaeger.” I growl between gritted teeth.

He looks surprised.

“Wha? Screw what up?” he stammers.

I ignore his question and continue.

“Make sure they're all safe. Protect them as only you can.”

“Who? What are you talking about?”

He can be so clueless sometimes. Such a child.

“The titans will probably be here soon. I'm injured, I won't make it. But try to fend them off long enough for everyone else to get out. Don't stay so long that you yourself are trapped though.”

I feel as if I have to spell everything out for him. It should be common sense to not stay so long as to get trapped but I feel like if I don't tell him then he will.

“Captain, what are you talking about? We don't have time for this. Let's go.”

So he still doesn't understand.

“Damn it Jaeger!” I growl.

My other hand forms a fist around his collar and I pull him closer still.

“Don't you get it! I'm not going to make it back alive! There's no reason to even bother trying!”

A look of defiance forms on his face. He is scowling at me but I can't bear to stop staring into his beautiful eyes. This might be the last time I ever see them.

“No,” he says “Someone can carry you. Just because you're injured doesn't mean you're useless. You're humanity's strongest!”

“Eren, don't try to protect me. Don't try to save me. I'll try to get out. But don't put yourself at risk for me.”

“Damn it Levi! You listen to me-”

I can't listen to him. I can't allow him to sway my resolve. So I cut him off.

I pull him to me and crush my lips against his. I've wanted to kiss him for so long. There's nothing to lose now.

The kiss lasts only seconds but it feels like an eternity.

I break the kiss by shoving him. I push him harder than I'd meant to and he falls. I turn and start walking away.

I feel like I might cry, I don't want him to see my tears.

“Levi! Wait!” he calls after me.

But I keep walking.

 

* * *

 

 

Almost everyone is out. I shove Hanji ahead of me.

“Go.” I say.

She looks at me with sad eyes. She knows it's my own choice and she knows there's nothing she can do about it.

“Goodbye, then, Levi. I hope you make it.”

I don't.

I can no longer bare to see him with her everyday. I love Eren. But I could never call Eren mine. He is already Mikasa’s. I won't get between them. And I would never want to force Eren into a position where he had to be with me. That's not how love works.

But I know that I won't be able to control my feeling much longer. So it's better for everyone if I don't make it out.

Hanji uses her 3D gear and disappears from my vision.

The walls shake.

I turn in time to see Eren, in his titan form, far in the distance. He should be retreating right about now, since everyone has been successfully evacuated.

But instead he engages even more titans. I frown. What is he doing?

A cold sweat runs down my back as he looks directly at me. It's just for a split second but I now realize what he's doing.

He's waiting for me to get away.

Stupid kid. I told him not to do that.

I glare into the distance at him. Sometimes he irritates the crap out of me.

I start making my way towards him. Maybe if I can get within earshot of him I can yell at him to go before it's too late.

I decided to stay so I wouldn't be in his way. It'd be pointless if that brat died here too.

I'm almost close enough when two titans appear out of nowhere. Shit. I have no way of defending myself. No gear, and no weapon.

“Damn it!” I shout.

I try to run. I said I was going to stay here to die. But of course I know myself better than that. It was never my intention to go out without a fight. I was just going to buy Eren enough time to escape. Then I would've tried to get out alive.

But now...

Now it's all over.

I glance to where Eren was. He is staring directly at me.

One of the titans swings its arm, but I notice too late. It hits me. I feel my body fly through the air. Pain is everywhere. I feel myself hit a wall, and as I slide down it everything becomes blurry.

Darkness consumes me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that was probably sucky... most of you probably didn't even bother to read it all, let alone this little note.  
> I hope you liked it though, those of you who are reading this!  
> Chapter One starts before this and the story will make it's was to this point and then progress further. So you'll have to wait a bit to find out what happens after this...


	2. Before The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new mission is being planed. What is Levi feeling for Eren?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly that is a really bad chapter summary... But I seriously can't come up with anything better.  
> I'm sorry, it's been almost a month since I posted the prologue. I only finished writing this today so it can't be helped. I seriously need to stop procrastinating and putting thing off!  
> I would like to apologize that the prologue is such a cliff hanger, just hang in there, okay? I promise I didn't kill Levi. I love Levi too much, I wouldn't be able to kill him in the beginning. Even if the beginning is actually the middle... but, uh, never mind that.

I look out the window at the recruits. They're all training. I feel my gaze subconsciously seeking out Eren. As it often does.

Eren sits on the steps watching Mikasa train with Armin.

I feel a slight twist in my gut.

I turn away from the window and continue walking.

 

* * *

 

“Captain Levi. What are you doing here?”

I turn and see Eren standing in the doorway.

I let my silence answer his question. He needs to learn to not be so nosey.

My gaze shifts from Eren to Mikasa as she appears behind him.

She lays her hand on his shoulder and starts pulling him away.

“Come on Eren, it's your turn to train. Let's leave the captain alone.”

Originally Mikasa disliked me because of the incident at the courthouse. But after the necessity of that was explained she got over it. But I sometimes notice that she looks at me in a certain way, as if she knows about my feelings for Eren.

Eren tries to shake her off. He's probably going to try getting me to tell him what I'm doing. Such a stubborn kid.

Mikasa levels a glare at me.

She grabs Eren and starts dragging him away. I can hear him complaining to her even after they're out of my sight.

So she does know. I thought as much. I just hope she knows that nothing will ever come of it.

I turn and continue on my way. Erwin said he needed to talk to me about something.

 

* * *

 

I step out of Erwin’s office and let out a sigh. It's a good plan, but with a good deal of risk.

After being injured I should stay here. But I could never do that. I'll just have to be careful out there. I won't have any gear but that's no big deal.

I make my way outside to make the announcement to those who are training.

As I step into the sun I ignore Eren’s questioning gaze as I call all the trainees to gather around.

I explain the basics of the mission.

We're going to go out of our way to search a cavern outside the walls. What we're looking for is highly classified. Even I wasn't told. There shouldn't be any titans in the cavern, but you can bet there'll probably be plenty on the way there.

All of the plans haven't been made yet so it's unknown exactly when we'll be heading out, but it'll be soon. Very soon.

After I finish saying what needs to be said I turn to go back inside.

“Captain, wait!” Eren calls cheerfully after me.

Damn, this brat won't leave me alone today.

“What?” I say, rather than ask, the question.

He ignores my sharp tone and continues up the steps.

“Are you coming with us on the mission?”

Normally I wouldn't answer but the words tumble from my lips before I realize.

“Obviously. Where else would I be?”

Eren opens his mouth to answer, but hesitates. A shame. I'd have liked to hear his answer.

“I guess it makes sense then. Obviously.” Eren remarks blandly.

I immediately feel bad. The look on Eren's face makes me want to reach out and comfort him.

“I'm just a bit worried. The way you explained it... it seems like it'll be dangerous.” Eren remarks.

“I can take care of myself Eren.” I say in a scolding tone. But I mean it too reassure him.

His bright smile inches it's way back.

“I know.” Eren says, a glint forming in his eyes, “I'm just worried that you'll get stuck somewhere. Because your so short.”

Before I can react Eren has already dashed down the stairs and is already charging toward his friends.

A smile forms on my own lips as I watch him run.

Cheeky brat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I told you I'm a sucky writer! So cringy!
> 
> But, uh, please tell me if you think it was at least moderately okay?
> 
> Also, my apology's for such a short chapter. I just really needed to post more and it seemed a decent enough place to wrap it up. I haven't started writing chapter two yet but I have a bunch of ideas! (including an argument between the Ackermans.*wink*)


	3. A Rainy Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A failed training exercise leads to some interesting conversations. Having to trudge home through the rain can have its ups and downs. Levi gets a nice conversation with Eren and a privet one with Mikasa. Will Levi's mood sour quickly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so sorry it took awhile! This chapter is much longer! But, uh, the reason it took awhile was because I kept putting it off again... sorry...  
> Anyways, i hope you like it!

This isn’t how I’d thought it would be. Absolutely ridiculous. Having to trudge back through the mud while carrying all our supplies through the downpour.

It had been Arlert’s fault, surprisingly. Of course it was actually Eren’s fault, unsurprisingly. Eren had been fighting with Jean again. I’d sent Ackerman off to report to Erwin’s group, leaving Armin to try to break up the fight. So maybe it was my fault. I very well could have sent anyone else.

Anyway, Eren had brushed Armin off and the poor boy fell. He crashed into, well, a lot of things. Long story short, the wagon broke and the horses all got spooked and ran off.

The only thing to be glad of is that this was just a training exercise. A failed training exercise, but just training nonetheless. If we’d been outside the walls we’d be dead.

I must admit, though, that I had almost lost it when Arlert crashed into the wagon and Eren froze in horror. But I’ve spent long enough hiding my emotions that I managed not to double over in laughter. After that Eren had profusely apologized to his best friend until Armin finally snapped at him that it was okay and to just drop the topic.

For the past fifteen minutes we’ve been walking in silence. But I can feel that Eren has slowly edged closer to me and wants to talk. Despite having to trudge through mud and rain, I’m surprisingly not in a very bad mood.

“Captain Levi?” I hear Erens soft voice speak quietly.

“What?” my voice is devoid of emotion.

“Um, I just wanted to apologize. I’m sorry for making such a mess again.”

With Eren talking so quietly and the heavy rain no one else can hear us. So I allow myself to take a risk. I can be honest with Eren. I can always be honest with Eren. I let a smile form on my face as a laugh quietly.

“Eren, you have nothing to apologize for.”

His beautiful sea green eyes look at me in surprise. His shocked expression looks so adorable. His mouth opens and closes for a few seconds while he tries to form words. I force myself to stare forward and not at his face.

Finally finding his voice Eren frowns, “What do you mean ‘I have nothing nothing to apologize for’? Didn’t you see what happened? It was entirely my fault!”

I turn an expressionless glare at him. “Obviously.”

He looks confused, the frown on his face deepening.

“I don’t understand.” he finally says.

I sigh. Of course he doesn’t.

“Yes, I saw the whole thing.”

“Then why would you say it wasn’t my fault?”

“I never said that it wasn’t your fault. I just said that you had nothing to be sorry about.”

I almost laugh at how his face scrunches up, more confused than before.

I’m about to explain when the sound of hooves approaches. Ackerman is back.

“Hey Mikasa!” Eren cheerfully calls.

My good mood starts to fade.

How easy it is to pretend when she’s not here. So easy to imagine what life could be like with Eren, always by my side. That was the reason I’d sent her instead of someone else. That was the reason the whole ordeal was my fault. I’d been selfish and these were the repercussions.

But I don’t regret it, not for a single second.

“Mikasa, what took you so long?” Eren asks as she gets closer.

Instead of answering she levels an emotionless glare at Eren. “What did you do?”

Eren immediately gets defensive, yelling that it wasn’t his fault. Jean is suddenly next to us, arguing about how it was Eren’s fault.

Mikasa gets off her horse and I turn my attention to her.

“His answer was what you thought it’d be. He sent someone with me to get your answer in return. We came across the broken wagon and saw the tracks leading back to base. The other messenger went back to report that to Erwin and I doubled around to catch up with you.”

I nod. She’s right, I did know what Erwin’s answer would be. Normally I wouldn’t have even sent someone to ask.

“What the hell Jaeger!?” Jean yells.

We both turn to see Jean sitting in the mud and Armin trying to restrain Eren.

Mikasa starts toward them and I turn away. I trust her to dissolve the situation, she always does. I miss those days when I was the one dissolving Erens ‘situations’. I use to have a much closer relationship with him before Ackerman joined. Now she is almost constantly with him.

Eren starts yelling at Mikasa and Jean is grumbling something about “-unreasonable suicidal maniac-” and I think I hear Armin trying to help Jean up.

I start walking forwards. The rest of the group, or at least those paying attention, quickly follow after me. It is still raining after all.

 

* * *

 

After an hour of walking a message came from Erwin. He said he was going  to continue his part of the training exercise and that we should do a night exercise if we were still out after dark.

I glance over at the setting sun. Might as well.

“Everyone, gather around.” I order.

Everyone circles around me and I start laying out a plan. This will be an exercise to test how well each individual can function. Everyone will split up, then either try to group back up or make there way back to base. Usually this exercise gets a half and half result. I’m curious to see what results this group will have.

“We’re all going to split up, no groups.” I start, “Then you have to make your way back to base. First one back wins. Last one back has to clean the entire castle.”

Jean raises his hand a bit, “What if there’s a tie?”

I stare straight into his eyes and emotionlessly say. “Then you share.”

People start to nod. The sharing of the punishment or reward was always what stopped people from working together. The whole purpose of the exercise was for teamwork, hence the implying that there should be none. It was Erwin’s design, of course.

“Okay, let’s go. I’ll be seeing you all back at base.” I’m silent for a moment before adding, “Hopefully.”

I turn and walk off into the forest. I hear groans and complaints behind me, but they quickly die off as everyone disperses into the forest. I’m alone in peace and quiet again.

Having done this exercise many times before I knowingly make my way through the downpour.

I'm quite curious to see if anyone other than Eren, Armin, and Mikasa will team up. The three of them will obviously ignore the implied rule. For some reason it reminds me of when I did this for the first time. Farlan and Isabel hadn't hesitated to immediately follow me. We had been the only group and were the fourth ones to return. Of course the reason we ignored the “rules” and stuck together was because that's what we always did, not because we understood the hidden meaning to it. I wonder if Eren will see the hidden meaning.

I hear running footsteps coming towards me and I turn slightly toward the sound. I see a figure coming straight towards me, but I can't make out who it is through the rain. I stop and wait for them.

Mikasa Ackerman comes to a halt in front of me. She's breathing hard and has a slightly irritating look on her face. She looks angry and possessive. A look associated with Eren. I know why she's here.

“Did you follow me or did you know where I'd be?” I ask without emotion.

In the same emotionless voice she replies with “Both.”

I feel the corner of my lips turn up a bit as I say “The last time you gave me that look was before you understood the reasons for the courtroom incident.”

She glares at me before sneering “Don't mock me.”

My face returns to neutral “It wasn't my intent to.”

She barks out a laugh. “Yeah right. Cuz you're so innocent, hm?”

Yes, I was right. She's here to talk about Eren. Without interruptions.

We are silent for a few minutes. I wait for her to make her accusations, feeling no need to goad her on.

Finally she says “Stay away from Eren.”

Anger and indignation start to fill me. I know very well that my feelings for Eren are one sided and grossly inappropriate. But I have never pushed my feelings on Eren and I don't force him to do anything. I won't push the boy away just because she's uncomfortable with it.

“I don't take orders from you, Ackerman.” I growl.

“Eren is still a child,” she hisses. “I don't like the thought of you...”

She shudders. It takes a moment for her to compose herself. She takes a deep breath and continues.

“I don't like the thought of you around him. Especially alone.”

I level a fierce glare back at her. “It's not up to you what I do.”

She looks about ready to explode. I've never seen her like this before. She's always been so guarded, never letting on to her feelings. Much like me.

She takes a few steps toward me.

“Captain Levi,” she starts in a mocking tone. “You use your status to influence him. If you go too far, I will kill you.”

I know her threat is anything but empty. If it were anyone else threatening me, if it was in context to anyone else, I'd already have her pinned to the ground begging for forgiveness.

Instead I decide to clarify the reality of my relationship with Eren. Explain that it's not at all what she thinks.

“My feelings for Eren, while none of your concern, will never go anywhere. I'm well aware of the truth of our situation. You're right to point out that he is still just a child, that's why I've made no advancement toward him, nor do I ever intend to.”

The girl's expression falters. She takes an uncertain step back. “Do you swear it?”

I allow all emotion to fade from my face. “Yes.”

She frowns, but nods.

“I need to get back to Eren and Armin.” She says, back to her usual blank self.

Without another word she turns and starts running back the way she came.

Regret at the promise I made fills me. I shouldn’t be affected like this, I’d already promised myself the same things long ago. But for some reason, making the promise to someone else, it makes it more real.

I can feel my control slipping as I glare into the gloom. I’m tired of this day. I steadily head back to the castle. Back to my bed. Hoping that sleep with erase my suddenly foul mood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I honestly don't think the argument turned out how I'd have liked it to, but I can't seem to make it any better. Sorry about that.  
> Also, an advanced apology as it's probably going to take me quite some time to publish the next chapter as I haven't even started it yet. I just finished writing this! And I haven't the slightest clue how I'm going to start off the next chapter to get where I want to.


End file.
